Honor Your Children

Somewhere in the bible, it mentions honoring your father and mother as part of the 10 Commandments.  But have you ever thought about honoring your children as well?  We oftentimes think of babies and children as helpless creatures that are incapable of doing much of anything or thinking for themselves.  As a result, a lot of parents get into the routine of doing everything for their kids.

In our house, as soon as my kids can walk, I started giving them small things to do.  As early as a year old, I taught my boys to put their diapers in the diaper pail after being changed.  They were also taught to pick up their toys.  By 2 yrs old, we try to include them in household chores, like helping put away dishes, or throwing things in the trash can.  By 3, they help set the table for dinner and clear the table after eating.  They are also taught to dress themselves at that age with as little assistance as possible.  At 5 yrs old, my eldest can fold clothes, help put away laundry and clean MY bedroom (yes, MY bedroom).  And my 3.5 yr old can get himself ready by picking his own clothes, putting them and his shoes on without always looking like a clown with mis-matched pieces.  Though I’d like to think that my kids are just really smart, I don’t think that’s really the case.  I think the reason they are able to do what they do at a young age is because we allow them to.

When you honor your parents, you give them the same amount of respect you expect for yourself.  Same thing with kids.  When you try to do everything for your kids, even when they are fully capable of doing it themselves, you are in some way disrespecting their abilities and incapacitating them in the process.  Sometimes, even if a task will take 10 times longer to accomplish letting the kids do it instead of you, it’s still worth giving them the sense of accomplishment being able to do the “big people” stuff.  When you get them used to the feeling that they have something to contribute, they are more likely to oblige to help when you need them to.  Kids have a natural tendency to want to help, and you help honor this tendency by allowing them to do things for you or for themselves.  If you constantly ignore the signs of wanting to do something by themselves or reject their offers to help, they will learn to stop trying.

Honoring your children doesn’t just go as far as making them do chores.  It’s also listening to them.  I mean really listening and being in the moment and absorbing every seemingly-ridiculous detail of the story they’re trying to tell you.  Do you ever roll your eyes whenever your grandparent, or even your own parents tell you a trivial story you’ve heard from them for the 600th time???  Yet you still strive to look, act and sound every bit interested like it’s the first time you’ve ever heard it, just out of respect.  Listening to your kids is the best thing you can do to teach them to listen to you as well.  Where else will they learn it from?  When kids know that they are being heard, they will pull less fits and tantrums.

It’s always tempting to play the “I’m-your-parent-so-do-as-I-say” card.  And sometimes it’s easier to just tell the kids to go play instead of letting them help you fix dinner.  Dressing them up, spoonfeeding them, or picking up their toys after them takes a lot less time and mess than involving them in the process.  But you need to take the time and effort to teach them.  It’s okay to go over and re-sweep the floor your little one has already “cleaned”.  Broken dishes can be replaced, and spilled milk can be wiped off.  But when their spirits are always being crushed, it’s a lot harder to restore a child’s motivation to want to learn and grow.