Why You Shouldn’t Pressure Your Child to Get Good Grades

Grades aren’t everything.  Most parents believe academic excellence will provide more opportunities for their children later in life and guarantee them a brighter future.  But does it really turn out that way?  Looking back now, I don’t feel that any of my academic achievements even really matter.  Not that I had much of them anyway.  In elementary and high school, I wasn’t the smartest kid in class, but I wasn’t the dumbest one either.  I got average grades for the most part.  Even when I gave 100% effort into it, I would be above average at best.  Now my sister?  She could ace tests with her eyes closed.  We both took Trigonometry the same semester in college, and I just could not understand it.  At first I thought maybe her teacher was just better than the one I got, so I sat in on her classes.  But it wasn’t the teacher.  My mind was just not wired to comprehend trigonometry.  At least that’s my excuse ;)  It was like teaching a dog to meow.  The only way I passed the course was because I gave my teacher a pathetic sob story about how my future will be ruined if she didn’t pass me.  Now when it came to other subjects that I particularly liked, I would excel at them almost effortlessly.  I graduated culinary school #1 in my class because I absolutely enjoyed every bit of it.  To this day, I still don’t understand how trigonometry relates to Hotel & Restaurant Administration, which is what I majored in college.

I’m not advocating for lazy students.  Not at all.  I’m all for encouraging kids to learn the stuff that will help them through life, like reading, writing, math, etc.  But children should never be made to feel as though they are less worthy as a person just because they cannot get the grades we want them to or what society deems as exceptional.  Neither should they be compared to their more academically-inclined siblings either.  I know a lot of kids who had miserable childhoods trying to satisfy their parents by getting good grades.  I don’t think any of the top students I know from high school all through college fared that much better or worse than anybody else career-wise.  All that pressure to get high grades was for what??

Children are more inclined to want to learn if we nurture their inherent curiosities without any threats involved.  Let them be who they are and appreciate them for it.  An orange will never grow into an apple tree, no matter how much you water it with apple juice.  Variety is the spice of life.  We need oranges just as much as we need apples, grapes, pineapples, and marshmallows. 

To a Child, Love is Spelled T-I-M-E

I have been busy the last couple of weeks, and will be busy the next few more weeks, trying to prepare for a big trade show in September.  I’ve got new products lined up, prototypes and samples to create, marketing materials to design, and taking care of all the logistical details of exhibiting in a trade show.  In addition, I’m adding a new brand/product line, coordinating production and materials for 3, possibly 4 manufacturing facilities, and trying to get our websites a total makeover.  Most of my days are now spent either in front of the computer or in my sewing room.  I’m always trying to get the baby to sleep, and stay asleep, just so I can finish the list of things I have to do.

This weekend, my husband took our boys fishing for the first time.  They were so excited about the whole thing.  They went and bought their own little fishing rods and tackle boxes.  In between the actual fishing, they dug up worms, stepped on cow shit, got bit by bugs, and picked beans, cucumbers, cabbage and corn from the garden of my husband’s grandfather’s farm.  Despite coming home all dirty, sweaty and missing their naps, which usually makes them highly irritable, they were in good spirits the kept playing with their new fishing rods and tackle boxes, long after they’ve gotten back to civilization.  I didn’t go with them, and stayed in our bug-free, animal-poop-free, air-conditioned world I call our home.

My husband and I try to work hard to provide our family with the best life possible.  But in the midst of everything I’m doing for the business, I always have to remind myself of what really matters for my family and the kids, and the need to slow down once in a while.  This short movie really says it all.

What Would You Do if You Can’t Fail?

When I was maybe 11 or 12 yrs old, I took gymnastics for a few months.  Whenever we would do the balance beam, we were taught to always look up and straight ahead, keep your chin held high, and never look down.  You have a much higher tendency to fall and lose your balance if you looked down.  If you attempt to make a jump and start to doubt yourself, you’ll fall.  It’s amazing how the above video reminds me so much of how a lot of people choose to live their lives.  Everybody wants to play it safe, and nobody wants to make mistakes.  The happiest, most fulfilled and successful people I know are running, flipping over and doing cartwheels on their balance beams, while those who are miserably still holding on to a dream are tightly clenching on to theirs.  So what if you fall?  Just get back on and do it again.

Many people miss out on an opportunity of a lifetime because they don’t want to take risks.  There are no mistakes or failures in life, just learning experiences.  Some learning experiences may hurt or even cost you a lot of money.  But you can never go wrong if your intentions are pure and you’re following your heart.  Just always look up and straight ahead, keep your chin held high, and never look down.  What would you do with your life if you knew you couldn’t fail?

9 Things You Need to Know About Starting a Business

A lot of people dream of having their own businesses, and with good reason.  Having your own business can be very rewarding.  However, along with the rewards come responsibilities associated with it.   It’s not all glamor, excitement and counting gold nuggets.   I’ve had my own ups and downs with all the businesses I’ve been involved in and have learned a great deal from them.   And because most of our friends are business owners as well, we get to learn from their experiences.  If you’re dead set on starting your own business…and I mean a REAL business–not some wishy-washy idea that comes & goes, here’s a few things you need to know:

1. Don’t start too small. A lot of people start businesses thinking they’ll only spend so much, and if things go well, they’ll reinvest the money to grow the business.  But if things don’t do too well, at least they’re not out too much money.  This tactic may have worked a few decades ago when there wasn’t much competition anywhere, but if you’re going to build a business to compete in today’s marketplace that’s bombarding the average consumer with tens of thousands of ads at a time, you need to stand out from the rest.  Where do you want your business to ultimately be?  Do you want a $10 million/yr business or a $500/yr business?  Your image has to reflect that.  Invest in a good storefront, real estate, professional logos & websites.  Invest wisely in the things that will create the best first impression to your customer, because you never get a second chance to create a first impression.  When your website, storefront, or even your business card looks un-professionally made, it gives customers the impression that you do not have enough confidence in the ability of your business to make money that you’re already skimping on some of the necessities.

Think of it this way, do you ever go on a date looking like you just got out of bed thinking if it doesn’t work out, then at least you didn’t waste too much time trying to look good and buying nice outfits?  Even if you’ve got the most amazing personality, your date will most likely not be too happy to see you (or smell you) and might spend the entire time looking at other people. If you’re starting a business with the mentality of holding back for fear that it MIGHT not work, you’re already setting yourself up for failure.  You will have better chances of success with a mindset that has no other choice than to make it work like your life depended on it.

2. Know who your customers are. This is something you really need to spend some time on and what most people ignore.  You really need to know who you will want to cater to, because this will determine the type of marketing/advertising campaigns you will want to implement.   Don’t make the mistake of trying to make any living human being your customer.   If you have a restaurant, you don’t just target anyone that eats.   If you sell baseball caps, you can’t just market to anyone with a head.   Wal-Mart sells jeans for $15, and 7 for all Mankind sells $150 jeans.   That alone tells you what type of customers each brand is targeting.   If you make organic bird food for parakeets, your target market is not anyone that has a pet bird.   I don’t think a 5 yr old could care less if the bird food he has is organic or not…much less if it’s for the right bird.   You need to pick what type of customers you will want to deal with.    What traits do they have?   Where do they hang out?   What will motivate them to buy your product?   What are their buying habits?   These will help you know how to ultimately reach your ideal customer.  Trust me, you do not want to have just any type of customer.

3.  Narrow down exactly what you’re bringing to the table. Figure out what unique value you can offer to your customers that will differentiate you from everybody else in the same field.   What do you stand for?   What will your company stand for?   You can either position yourself as the cheapest place to buy widgets, the one with the most widget variety, or the one with the most expensive widgets that gets delivered to your door and professionally installed.  Just decide whatever will work for you.   If you think you want to be known for having the cheapest widget in the market, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you can sustain the business this way.  Just don’t try to be everything to everybody because you end up being a nobody.

4.  Be always prepared for chaos. I don’t care if you have an MBA from the most expensive school and have a 400-page detailed business plan.  Things won’t always turn out as planned and having a business is not always a bed of roses.   But it’s usually during the most challenging times when you learn the most.  Until you really figure out what you’re doing, start up businesses can feel like 24 hr/day jobs.  Even the best laid out business plans don’t always work.  And your ability to weather through the chaos will determine how far you’ll go.

5.  Whatever you think your start up costs will be, add at least 50% more on top of that. There are a lot of expenses that get overlooked when launching a business.  And however long you think something will take, double the estimated time frame.  If your suppliers are quoting you 2 weeks, prepare for 4 weeks instead.

6.  You need to know how to interact with people. Many entrepreneurs are introverts.  A lot of them think they can just hide behind their products and count their beans while they wait for customers to hopefully buy their products/services.  Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.  Even if you have a web-based business, you still have to interact with live humans.  You still have to market yourself.  Most successful businesses are built on relationships.  Because almost all businesses, no matter what field it’s in, really boils down to it being a people business.  If you’re in real estate, you’re in the people business selling homes or investments.  If you’re a pharmaceutical sales rep, you’re in the people business selling drugs (legal ones, hopefully).  If you’re an artist, you’re in the people business selling art.  Any type of business will revolve around people and their wants and needs, and you have to know what makes your customers tick.  Because I do know for a fact that if you’re selling dog biscuits, your customer’s dog isn’t the one who will whip out the credit card.

7.  You will need to develop a thick skin….a really thick skin.  When you deal with the public, you open yourself up for a lot of scrutiny and criticism.  The bigger the business you want to build, the more customers you will have to deal with.  There are all sorts of people out there, and they have their own opinions on what they’re entitled to.   If you target your customers properly, you shouldn’t have too many of the “challenging” customers.  One bad customer can sometimes put a damper on a really good day.  Be prepared to be able to handle comments like: “$@#$%^&****#&;$!!!!  #$%^*#@#@/>!!!!!!!!!!!!”  You need to be able to let these things roll off your back because at the end of the day, it’s all just business.  Nothing personal.

8. Have a clear vision of what you really want or a clear goal of what you want to accomplish. You can forget the first 7 things I just mentioned, but you need to remember this one. Many entrepreneurs start out not really knowing what they want.  They say they want to have their own business selling this or that and hopefully end up being rich from doing so or at least making ends meet.  That’s not a good enough goal unless you just want to be mediocre at best.  You need to have a goal that’s bigger than what you can comfortably accomplish.  Set higher standards for yourself.  Set it high enough to scare you, but not too high that it paralyzes you.  It is very important to know what you want and why you want it. The most successful people are those who started with a clear vision of what they wanted to accomplish and persisted long enough to carry it through. Don’t worry about how you’re going to accomplish that goal…just have a goal and a strong enough reason for wanting to achieve it.  If your WHY is big enough, the HOW will take care of itself.  As long as your motivation is big enough, the solutions will present itself to get you through the tough times.

9.  You need to have fun. You need to pick your business based on what you like to do.  Because if you approach your business like you’re smelling armpits for a living, your customers will know that and won’t hang around too long, if at all.

So you see, there’s a lot of thought that needs to be put in starting a business.  It’s not just a matter of buying and selling stuff.  Lots of money can be lost by not really having the right focus.   Starting a business, sustaining it and growing it is really simple…but it’s not easy.

Honor Your Children

Somewhere in the bible, it mentions honoring your father and mother as part of the 10 Commandments.  But have you ever thought about honoring your children as well?  We oftentimes think of babies and children as helpless creatures that are incapable of doing much of anything or thinking for themselves.  As a result, a lot of parents get into the routine of doing everything for their kids.

In our house, as soon as my kids can walk, I started giving them small things to do.  As early as a year old, I taught my boys to put their diapers in the diaper pail after being changed.  They were also taught to pick up their toys.  By 2 yrs old, we try to include them in household chores, like helping put away dishes, or throwing things in the trash can.  By 3, they help set the table for dinner and clear the table after eating.  They are also taught to dress themselves at that age with as little assistance as possible.  At 5 yrs old, my eldest can fold clothes, help put away laundry and clean MY bedroom (yes, MY bedroom).  And my 3.5 yr old can get himself ready by picking his own clothes, putting them and his shoes on without always looking like a clown with mis-matched pieces.  Though I’d like to think that my kids are just really smart, I don’t think that’s really the case.  I think the reason they are able to do what they do at a young age is because we allow them to.

When you honor your parents, you give them the same amount of respect you expect for yourself.  Same thing with kids.  When you try to do everything for your kids, even when they are fully capable of doing it themselves, you are in some way disrespecting their abilities and incapacitating them in the process.  Sometimes, even if a task will take 10 times longer to accomplish letting the kids do it instead of you, it’s still worth giving them the sense of accomplishment being able to do the “big people” stuff.  When you get them used to the feeling that they have something to contribute, they are more likely to oblige to help when you need them to.  Kids have a natural tendency to want to help, and you help honor this tendency by allowing them to do things for you or for themselves.  If you constantly ignore the signs of wanting to do something by themselves or reject their offers to help, they will learn to stop trying.

Honoring your children doesn’t just go as far as making them do chores.  It’s also listening to them.  I mean really listening and being in the moment and absorbing every seemingly-ridiculous detail of the story they’re trying to tell you.  Do you ever roll your eyes whenever your grandparent, or even your own parents tell you a trivial story you’ve heard from them for the 600th time???  Yet you still strive to look, act and sound every bit interested like it’s the first time you’ve ever heard it, just out of respect.  Listening to your kids is the best thing you can do to teach them to listen to you as well.  Where else will they learn it from?  When kids know that they are being heard, they will pull less fits and tantrums.

It’s always tempting to play the “I’m-your-parent-so-do-as-I-say” card.  And sometimes it’s easier to just tell the kids to go play instead of letting them help you fix dinner.  Dressing them up, spoonfeeding them, or picking up their toys after them takes a lot less time and mess than involving them in the process.  But you need to take the time and effort to teach them.  It’s okay to go over and re-sweep the floor your little one has already “cleaned”.  Broken dishes can be replaced, and spilled milk can be wiped off.  But when their spirits are always being crushed, it’s a lot harder to restore a child’s motivation to want to learn and grow.

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